One of the common themes I come across when working with mothers experiencing depression and anxiety is perfectionism and people-pleasing. Moms get worn out when they are trying to make everyone happy all the time.
There are often good reasons for a tendency to be over-responsible for the feelings of others. Many of us come from families where there was an unspoken expectation that a child must be “good,” because one or both parents were unable to tolerate the challenge of even normal childhood misbehavior. Or sometimes, children develop an unconscious habit of caretaking for others as a way to get their own needs met.
On Wednesday, I was invited to speak to a group of local doulas, the Mt. Diablo Doula Community, about prevention of Perinatal Mood and Anxiety Disorders (PMADs), as well as how to recognize the disorders and how to help their clients. I hope the presentation might be helpful for doulas who are wanting more information about these disorders and what role they can play in keeping moms healthy and happy. You can access the Presentation Here. Attachments to the presentation are the Edinburgh Postnatal Depression Scale and an associated Suicide Screening Interview.
A friend posted this, and I have to share it. We all know how easy it is to say the wrong thing when someone’s ill or in a crisis. Some otherwise caring people avoid connecting with loved ones during those times simply because they don’t know what to do or say. This article is a simple “how to” for providing support to those in need without making things worse. A Must-Read!
People have a physiological reaction to the sound of a baby crying. Our hearts pound, our blood pressure rises, and we start to sweat. This reaction causes most of us to try to stop the crying, regardless of how tired, irritable, or hungry we might be ourselves. And that’s a good thing. It’s how our babies learn to trust that their needs will be met and that the world is a safe place.
But sometimes (often!) new parents wonder what the baby is trying to say? What does the baby need? We run around randomly, trying different remedies: jiggling the baby, rocking the baby, changing her diaper, offering a breast or the bottle, or a pacifier. And sometimes the baby still cries. We desperately want to eliminate the cause of the crying, and we become frustrated, angry or guilty when we fail.