Tag Archives: Baby Care

Becoming a Parent to Your Newborn

By Meri Levy, MFT

Regardless of your expectations, the arrival of a first baby is, first and foremost, a radical role adjustment for the new mother and father. As you grow from being a child to an adult and into a partner in an adult relationship, most of us experience shifts in our relationships as daughters or sons, sisters or brothers, and friends or lovers.

But the birth of a baby changes everything! Now perhaps your most significant role in life is as a parent. This is an altogether new role, and babysitting experience aside, there is no real preparation for it. But it is truly amazing to see how our babies foster and nourish our growth as parents, almost from the beginning.

While you adapt and grow to fill your new role, it can be difficult at times to hold onto formerly cherished roles, as a professional, a friend or lover, and an independent person in your own right. You may find that you are redefining yourself in ways that make these roles change (e.g. leaving behind a career, changing roles in your marriage, etc.)

Ultimately, however, we are ourselves. While we adapt to our role as parents, we also must adapt our view of parenting to include who we are as individuals — to allow ourselves to fit into our vision of a good parent.

Some mothers plan to stay at home full-time, but must still figure out if staying at home with their new baby is what makes them a happy mom. Or conversely, working mothers may find that they cannot leave their baby in another’s care. For fathers, you may have expected yourself to be the provider, but you still must figure out if spending the weekend satisfying that picky client at home is how you want to be a father — or if your partner is even the better choice as the bread-winner! And parents must weigh all sorts of other priorities, to friends, yourself, and the world, in figuring out how you will incorporate being a parent into your life.

No one can do this for you, because you are as unique a person as your new baby, and uniquely qualified to create the best family for your child.

If the process of evolving into the parent you want to be is more challenging that you thought, working with a therapist who specializes in this transition is a good way to work through your competing goals and figure out the path that is right for you.

The Importance of Attachment

Why Bonding with Your Baby Matters So Much

By Meri Levy, MFT

Attachment to one or more caring adults is the most important developmental task your baby will complete during the first three years of life. If this attachment is not achieved, a child will likely have lifelong problems in forming relationships.

Luckily, babies are very good at teaching us how to help them become attached. Their cries, their coos and smiles, and later separation anxiety help us to see how much our children want to be attached to us. Meeting a baby’s early attachment needs is what allows him to venture forth into the world and learn to be a separate human being, secure in the knowledge that he is loved and cared for.

Our attachment to our children is what causes the anxiety and worry about being a good parent and the drive to maintain our baby’s well-being. If a couple is arguing about the best way to care for their baby, it is a sure sign that they both are firmly attached to their baby, which is a good thing.

Attachment with your baby can bring up different feelings in different people. It can feel stifling or overwhelming, or is may be blissful and heart-warming, depending upon your own feelings about attachment. It’s helpful to be aware of these feelings and to recognize that by staying connected in a responsive way to your baby, you help him or her develop the ability to love others and nurture their own children when they grow up.

Our attachments to loved ones, including family, spouses and friends, are the fuel that helps us nurture our children. Make sure you don’t neglect your own attachment needs now that you’re a parent. If you are having difficulties in your adult relationships, focus more attention on those connections. Making your relationships with loved ones strong, and getting coaching or counseling if needed, can help maintain your own mental health and well-being as well as the well-being of your children as they grow.

Increasing Your Breastmilk Supply

Making Sure Your Breastfed Infant Is Getting Enough to Eat

By Meri Hanson Levy, MFT, CLE

Ever wonder “is my breast-fed baby getting enough to eat?” Click the link for tips to tell if your breastfed baby is getting enough milk. Most nursing moms make more than enough milk for their baby, but sometimes nature needs a little boost to get things moving in the right direction.

If you’re trying to increase your milk supply, here are some ideas from my experience working with new moms and lactation consultants at the Center.

  • Try fenugreek seed capsules or More Milk Plus. We’ve seen that Fenugreek capsules and More Milk Plus are the best natural products out there to increase your milk supply safely and effectively.
  • Nurse often — at least 8-12 times a day during the first two months. Your baby is better than any breast pump at stimulating your milk supply. And emptying the breast completely tells your body to make more milk. To encourage your baby to empty your breasts more completely, use gentle breast compression to bring down additional milk when your baby begins to swallow less often during a feeding. If your baby is not nursing well or often enough, use a high-quality breast pump. You can use a breast pump after each breastfeeding to give your milk supply an additional boost.
  • Drink lots of water, get plenty of rest, and eat nutritious food. Many mothers are able to produce adequate milk on little sleep and an inadequate diet, but if your milk supply is low, your body may need to be nourished and rested in order to produce more milk for your baby.
  • Birth control pills (even the “mini-pill”), antihistamines and other medications may affect your milk supply. If you have any questions, talk to your health professional.

There are other techniques and products that can assist with increasing breastmilk supply. A good resource can be found on La Leche League’s Website

Coping With Sore Nipples

By Meri Levy, MFT, CLE

You’ve decided to breastfeed, and you should feel great about it! You are doing a wonderful thing for your baby and yourself. However, there’s nothing quite like nursing a newborn to make even the most confident new mom feel like a complete amateur. New babies can be sleepy, squirmy, and fussy during feeding times, and having sore nipples only makes it harder to feel confident and patient with the learning process.

During the first two weeks breastfeeding, it is normal to have some mild soreness or tenderness in the breasts and/or nipples. The usual reasons for this are three:

  1. your breasts are not used to being used as a food producer, feeding method, and pacifier up to 12 times or more each day.
  2. early feeding sessions are more likely to create soreness, since the baby suckles harder to try to bring down the colostrum. Once there is real milk to reward the baby for his efforts, the suckling becomes more manageable.
  3. mom is more likely to tolerate a less successful latch-on in the early days, while she is learning how to feed, which can cause soreness.

However, if your nipples are extremely sore and cracked, bleeding, bruised or blistered, or if any more than mild soreness lasts for more than about two weeks, it is usually a sign that a deeper latch is needed.

PROPER LATCH-ON TECHNIQUE

The most important single factor in preventing and resolving sore nipples is to get a deep latch-on with the baby. If you feel the roof of your mouth, and then move back to the soft palace farther back, you can imagine how much more comfortable it is to have your nipple rubbing against the latter and not the former. In order to get a good latch, there are three factors that I think are most important.

  1. POSITIONING. Hold your baby securely for feedings, with the baby’s body aligned (the head is not turned to the side), the baby’s hips flexed, and the head free (in whatever position you choose, make sure that the baby is free to tilt his head back to open his mouth wide). Proper positioning is crucial for newborns to stimulate their reflex to open their mouth wide and draw the nipple far back into their mouth.
  2. ASSYMMETRICAL LATCH. The baby should be held somewhat below the breast level, so that the baby tilts his head back to open wide, and latches onto the underside of the areola first. One trick is to point your nipple at the baby’s nose, and when the baby opens wide and tries to latch on the underside of the areola, flip the nipple into the baby’s mouth. This technique often gets a deeper latch than pointing the nipple straight into the baby’s mouth.

When your latch is good, even if your nipples are sore, you should notice less pain during feedings. Traumatized nipples should heal quickly. If your baby’s suckling hurts like heck for more than just the first minute of feeding, you probably don’t have a deep enough latch. Use your pinky in the corner of the baby’s mouth to take the baby off the breast and try again.

COMFORT MEASURES FOR SORE NIPPLES

For ordinary soreness, or for increasing the comfort of traumatized nipples while they are healing, the following products are recommended:

  1. Glycerin gel pads can be chilled in the refrigerator, and cut into four pieces each to get the most out of each pad. They feel soothing, promote healing, and protect your nipples from friction while they are sore.
  2. Modified Lanolin nipple ointments. Long the stand-by for treating sore nipples, these ointments are derived from sheep’s wool and purified to remove allergens and contaminants.
  3. Natural nipple salves. For moms who want to avoid animal products and mineral oil, or who don’t like the goopiness of lanolin (or the fact that it can stain your bras), there are natural nipple salves from Earth Mama Angel Baby or MotherLove. These organic salves contain ingredients such as shea butter and calendula to help heal sore nipples, and they are safe in the quantities involved for your baby to ingest.

PREVENTING SORE NIPPLES

If you haven’t yet begun breastfeeding, there are some things you can do to minimize the risk of sore nipples.

Don’t bother using nipple creams before your baby is born or before you feel any soreness. Using such products once you do feel tenderness is just as effective as using them from the start, so have them on hand, but save the nipple cream for when (or if!) you need it.

Despite the common misconception that nursing less often is beneficial for preventing soreness, the opposite is truer. Nursing frequently or for long periods, with a proper latch, will not harm your nipples. But less frequent nursing can cause a couple of problems:

  1. Engorgement, leading to latching difficulties. When your breast is engorged with milk and tissues are inflamed, it can be very hard to get the baby latched on correctly.
  2. A very hungry baby who is difficult to latch on correctly without a lot of trauma to the baby, the mother, and the mother’s nipples

So, one way to help prevent sore nipples is to nurse often (at least 8-12 times/day), for as long as the baby wants. And, learn to recognize and respond to your baby’s early feeding cues, so you can feed before your baby is frantic.

WHEN TO GET PROFESSIONAL HELP

If you do not get relief within 48 hours from an improved latch, or if you are unable to obtain a better latch, there may be something more going on, and it would be appropriate to see a Lactation Consultant. There can be many reasons why you and your baby can’t get a good latch, from something simple to the more complex, and a Lactation Consultant can help you get it sorted out.

Safe Sleep Choices

By Meri Levy, MFT, CLE

Regardless of where you stand on the issue of bed-sharing versus cribs, there are safe ways and unsafe ways to put your baby to sleep. Here are some tips to help your baby sleep safely with or without you.

Crib Safety

The Problem: Over 9,000 children are brought to hospitals each year due to injuries suffered in cribs. An average of 54 children per year die from crib injuries.

How to Keep Safe: Avoid used cribs with corner post extensions, ill-fitting mattresses, wide slats, or other features that can cause injury. If you are not sure if a used crib is safe, don?t use it!

Features to Beware of:

    • Corner posts should not be higher than the end panels on the crib. Children’s clothing can get caught on extended corner posts and pose a strangulation hazard.
    • Space between slats must be less than 2 3/8″ and no slats should be missing.
    • All screws, bolts and hardware must be in place and tight to prevent the crib from collapsing.
    • Mattress must fit snugly so that two adult fingers cannot fit between the mattress and the crib side.
    • Do not use cribs with cutout designs in end panels. Child can strangle due to entrapment.

 

Crib Safety Tips:

  • Never put infants to sleep on fluffy, plush surfaces such as sheepskins, quilts, comforters or pillows.
  • Never fasten a pacifier around a baby’s neck
  • Never hang any object from a string where a baby could become caught it in and strangle
  • Never leave a child in the crib with the side rail lowered.
  • Remove crib gyms and mobiles when baby is able to push up on hands and knees
  • Keep drapes, ribbons, blind cords and wall hangings out of child’s reach
  • Make sure crib sheets fit securely. If they come loose, they can pose a strangulation hazard
  • Always put your infant to sleep on his or her back, unless your doctor directs otherwise

Safe Bed-Sharing

The problem:

The Consumer Product Safety Commission has warned parents against bed-sharing due to the risks presented by adult bedding and the concern that parents may roll over on their babies.

How to Keep Safe:

Make sure that your bed is a safe sleeping environment for a baby, and never allow a smoker or an adult who is impaired by drugs, alcohol or medications to sleep with your baby.

Bed-Sharing Safety Tips:

  • Always place your infant on its back to sleep. Do not use anything to prop or hold your baby in place.
  • Be careful when using certain medications, drugs or alcohol. If you or your partner are taking any substance that makes you drowsy, it is best to place baby in a crib next to your bed, to avoid the risk of mistakenly smothering your baby.
  • Avoid using fluffy pillows, stuffed toys, plastics and loose bedding, which pose a suffocation hazard. Place the baby on a firm flat surface which is covered by a tight fitting sheet ? even for naps.

Other tips for safe sleeping:

  • Do not let anyone smoke around your baby. Second-hand smoke affects normal infant breathing and can cause respiratory and other medical problems. Do not bedshare if you are a smoker.
  • Do not put baby to sleep on sofas, recliners, waterbeds, futons, or beanbags, even for naps.
  • Avoid overheating your baby. Your baby should be lightly clothed for sleep, and the temperature of your home should be kept comfortable for a lightly clothed adult. Your baby should not feel hot or moist to the touch.

For more information on safe sleeping, contact the Contra Costa SIDS Program at 925-313-6254. For more information on crib safety, contact The Danny Foundation at 1-800-833-2669.

Information for this article was provided by the Contra Costa SIDS Program and The Danny Foundation.

Why Wear Your Baby?

By Meri Levy, MFT, CLE

Increasing numbers of parents are discovering the joys of “babywearing,” using slings, pouches, wraps and other carriers. How does wearing your baby benefit both baby and caregiver?

Promotes Bonding

Wearing your baby encourages attachment, which is crucial to your baby’s emotional development. Keeping baby close encourages communication between baby and caregivers, and results in a greater sense of trust and security for your baby. Keeping baby close also encourages frequent breastfeeding, which improves the chances of breastfeeding success.

Reduces Crying and Colic

Many studies have shown that babies that are carried more, cry less. Whether your baby is colicky, fussy, or just cranky sometimes, frequent carrying in arms or in a carrier ensures less crying and a more comfortable baby.

Reduces Physical Strain and Allows Freedom of Movement

Using a carrier distributes your baby’s weight better, giving your arms a rest. For parents with carpal tunnel or tendinitis, this is much easier on the arms. And the benefits increase as baby gets older and heavier.

Carriers also allow freedom of movement and the ability to use your hands for something other than carrying your baby. Having a baby may mean feeling like nothing gets done, but having a hand free can mean getting a little more done, while keeping baby happy.

For more information on babywearing, visit the following sites:

www.TheBabyWearer.com

www.mothering.com

www.WearYourBaby.com