Category Archives: Postpartum

Somatic Complaints During the Perinatal Period

Pregnancy and the postpartum period are very vulnerable times. Our bodies change in ways that can feel scary and uncomfortable. It’s also a time when a lot of birthing people experience somatic complaints. Symptoms often include morning sickness and the typical aches and pains of pregnancy and new parenthood. But they can also include sciatica, vertigo, migraine, heartburn, wrist pain, back and neck pain, and even Hyperemesis Gravidarum (severe nausea and vomiting during pregnancy). These symptoms can be scary, and they can make us believe that there is something seriously wrong with our bodies.

When we are experiencing symptoms that scare us, that fear turns up the dial on our perception of those sensations. And those of us who tend to experience these symptoms the most during pregnancy and the postpartum period are folks who “somatize” our stress and emotions — often those of us who’ve experienced childhood adversity and who are also susceptible to depression and anxiety.

I am one of those people. I’ve struggled with chronic symptoms since childhood, including asthma, IBS, TMJ pain, wrist pain, bladder symptoms, etc. But after the birth of my second child, my physical symptoms were the worst I had ever faced. My postpartum anxiety presented as somatic symptoms—constant, overwhelming dizziness and nausea that made it difficult caused me to be unable to care for my children. At the time, I didn’t connect these symptoms to stress or self-neglect, but in hindsight, they were clear signs that I needed better boundaries and self-care. With therapy and support, I learned to prioritize my own well-being, and slowly recovered.

I now know how common it is for new and expecting parents to experience both psychological and physical symptoms during the perinatal period. It’s an incredibly vulnerable time, and stress commonly shows up in the body. The good news is that these symptoms—whether depression, anxiety, vertigo, or pain conditions like headaches, dizziness, wrist tendinitis, neck pain or sciatica—are highly treatable.

As a therapist specializing in perinatal mental health and neuroplastic symptom recovery, I help clients heal both physically and emotionally, so they can return to the full, balanced life they deserve. How we engage with our physical symptoms can either exacerbate or heal them. Pain Reprocessing Therapy teaches us how to view physical sensations from a lens of safety, so sensations are not amplified. And Emotional Awareness and Expression Therapy helps us release strong emotions that can contribute to tension and symptoms in the body.

Psychotherapy can also support birthing people in learning to prioritize our own well-being as we are learning to care for our babies. Not abandoning ourselves while caring for our family helps us become healthy parents in body, mind, and spirit.

Take this Quiz to help you determine if your chronic symptoms are likely neuroplastic.

Why Parents Should Nurture the Child Within, Too

Young woman on swing
Young woman on swing

Becoming a parent brings out so many new qualities in each of us. We learn to nurture selflessly. We learn patience and empathy. We learn to read the cues of our new baby, and how to meet their needs as best we can. It is an opportunity for growth like no other in our lifetime.

However, as we learn to give love and care to our child, many of us also begin to face the reality that we were not nurtured in certain ways in our own childhood. As we provide a loving mirror to our child, reflecting back a positive and validating image, we may become aware that we were not mirrored in a loving way ourselves. Perhaps we were shamed for certain qualities, or silenced when we voiced our truth, or in other ways shown that we were “not OK” the way we were.

Many of us have internalized shaming and dismissive attitudes directed at us as young children. We may not even realize that we continue the pattern by shaming or silencing ourselves. The child part within each of us, which is our source of joy, passion and creativity, is often stifled by our own inner shame. Our need for validation, love and nurturing are easily dismissed as “selfish” or “needy,” as we tell ourselves that we “shouldn’t” need the things the child inside us craves. The things we most enjoy and that give us pleasure are easily lost as we focus our attention on practical realities and the needs of others, especially our children and our partner.

This pattern of self-neglect fosters depression and chronic pain or physical symptoms. The child inside us loses hope that he or she will ever experience joy and fulfillment, contributing to depression. Or the child gets angry at being neglected and acts out, causing us to be resentful, irritable, or develop chronic symptoms (anxiety or somatic complaints) that tell us that all is not well in our inner world.  

This is how I understand my own struggle with anxiety and chronic symptoms as a mother raising my children. When I lost touch with the child inside me, as it is so easy to do while raising children, my anxiety mounted. If I continued to be what I believed a “good mother” was (e.g. selfless, endlessly patient and focused on the needs of others), the result was depression, painful physical symptoms, overeating, and other self-destructive patterns. What I came to discover was that by focusing my attention inward, and creating a loving dialog between my inner parent self and my inner child, I was able to heal those childhood wounds and feel a sense of balance and wholeness. 

Some clients of mine find that they can identify a clear inner parent and inner child voice. But for those who find it more difficult, the following exercise can be useful. You can communicate in the voice of your inner parent by writing with your dominant hand, and can reply as your inner child by writing with the non-dominant hand. It is amazing how easy it is for many people to access the child part of themselves when struggling to write with their non-dominant hand! If you have difficulty “hearing” your inner child voice, put your hand on your belly — that can help you access this vulnerable part.

You can start a dialog by asking “how are you doing?” or “how can I take care of you today?” or “what are you needing from me?” Some will find that the child inside them is quite angry and distrustful of the inner parent at first, for having neglected them for so long. But you can overcome this distrust by responding consistently in a loving parental voice, and reassuring the child inside you that you are there for them, that you will not leave them alone again, and that you love them just the way they are. You may not always be able to give your inner child what it wants in that moment, but just as we do with our children, we can learn to validate their needs and make sure that we create a life in which our inner child’s needs have some level of priority as well.

Here’s an example of an inner child dialog, that was initiated when the client found herself feeling very heavy and having back pain:

Parent: What are you needing from me today, Sweetie?

Child: I’m sad and I want to play with my friends, but I always have to work and take care of people.

Parent: I’m so sorry you’re sad. Working so much is really hard. We don’t have time to go play today, but I will make sure we have a couple of hours this weekend to go do something fun. You’re feelings matter to me, and I’m really glad you told me how you feel. Would asking [partner] for a hug help make this day easier?

Child: Yes, I like hugs. But I’m still sad.

Parent: I know, and it’s OK to be sad. Your feelings matter to me. Do you think a nice bath before bed would feel good?

Child: Yes, that’s good. Can I have bubbles and music?

Parent: Absolutely! I’m so proud of you for asking for what you need and I love you very much.

This exercise will allow you to begin a conversation that can allow you to experience a corrective emotional experience of being cared for and attended to, which can heal your heart in a very deep way. You can also learn how to create a balance between the needs of others and the needs of this tender part of yourself, which will allow you to live a more authentic, joyful life.

Perinatal Mental Health and Perfectionism

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You’ve read the books. You’ve prepared the nursery. You’ve heard about Postpartum Depression—even if you may not see yourself as someone who’s likely to experience it. The commonly known risk factors for Perinatal Depression and other perinatal mental health disorders include:

  • A previous episode of depression or anxiety (especially during pregnancy)

  • A recent loss or major stressor, such as financial or health challenges

  • Lack of social support or relationship difficulties

  • A complicated pregnancy or birth, or breastfeeding challenges

Many of the clients I work with can check several of these boxes, and having one or two doesn’t guarantee you’ll struggle emotionally after birth. But there’s another risk factor that’s harder to measure—one that isn’t about what has happened to you, but about how you relate to yourself and the world.

Research shows that perfectionism and related personality traits can significantly increase the risk of postpartum depression. In particular, new parents who struggle the most with making mistakes are about four times more likely to experience postpartum emotional challenges. Also at higher risk are those who naturally prefer order, clarity, and control. This makes intuitive sense. Becoming a parent is the ultimate beginner’s role—messy, unpredictable, and often undertaken on very little sleep. If uncertainty or imperfection has always been hard for you, new parenthood can feel especially overwhelming.

In my practice, many of the new parents who struggle most aren’t just perfectionistic—they’re also used to taking responsibility for everyone else’s feelings and needs. That may work—barely—before a baby arrives. But a newborn instantly multiplies the emotional load. Babies cry. They will cry no matter how devoted, attentive, or skillful you are. And the more pressure you put on yourself to be a flawless parent, the more strained your energy and relationships can become. It’s a setup for stress, anxiety, and depression.

This is why learning to let go of perfection—in small, practical ways—can be powerful preparation for parenthood. Let the dishes wait a few hours. Run out of clean socks once in a while. Burn the rice because you got lost in a great article. Notice what’s going well instead of what could be better. Enjoy the sunshine in your half-landscaped yard. Allow people to be disappointed on occasion—after all, they disappoint you sometimes too. Practicing being good enough is not just healthy; it’s the foundation of sustainable, compassionate parenting.

If the idea of leaving a dish in the sink feels impossible, consider trying mindfulness practices or guided exercises. Mindfulness can help you accept what’s happening in the moment instead of feeling responsible for fixing everything. And you might benefit from support with a warm, understanding therapist (bonus points if their desk is a little messy). Learning to release some of the pressure you’ve carried for years is an investment in your well-being—and in the emotional health of your growing family.

Need Support? PSI is there to help!

Postpartum Support International is now offering even more online support meetings for pregnant and postpartum moms isolated at home. Check out the link below to find out more or to sign up.

https://www.postpartum.net/get-help/psi-online-support-meetings/

Take a test to see if you have Prenatal or Postpartum Depression

Perinatal Mental Health Disorders

Risk Factors, Symptoms, and What To Do

Take a Screening Test for Perinatal Mental Health Disorders

The Baby Blues has become as much an accepted part of being a new birthing parent as engorged breasts and sleep deprivation. But what if the Blues don’t go away? For 10-20% of new parents, a perinatal mental health disorder (PMHD) is an unwanted and difficult part of the first year of parenthood. The causes of PMHDs are many, and can include hormonal and lifestyle changes, a lack of social support, sleep deprivation, a high-risk pregnancy, a traumatic birth or difficult recovery, or breastfeeding problems. You are also at a higher risk of PMHDs if you have suffered previously from anxiety or depression, or have recent losses or trauma in your life. Symptoms of PMHDs can include:

  • Feeling sad, depressed, numb, or crying a lot
  • Restlessness or irritability
  • Excessive worrying or inability to relax
  • Unusually strong feelings of anger or resentment
  • Lack of energy
  • Having headaches, chest pains, heart palpitations, numbness, tingling, dizziness or nausea, hyperventilation or other unexplained physical symptoms
  • Difficulty sleeping or excessive tiredness
  • Loss of appetite or conversely, overeating and weight gain
  • Difficulty concentrating, remembering, and making decisions, or confusion
  • Excessive concern about the baby or lack of interest in the baby
  • Feelings of guilt and worthlessness
  • Lack of interest or pleasure in activities
  • Obsessive thoughts or compulsive behaviors
  • Fear of hurting the baby or yourself

Many new parents experience only a few of these symptoms, but if you feel like something is wrong and you’re not quite yourself, that is an important signal. If these symptoms persist for two weeks or more, you should promptly get support by talking to your doctor or a mental health professional. PMHDs are highly treatable, with therapy, medication, or a combination of the two.

If you need medication and you are told that you must give up breastfeeding, make sure you get the advice of a prescriber who is knowledgeable about medications for breastfeeding parents. There are a few antidepressants which are routinely prescribed during breastfeeding  with untraceable amounts detectable in the baby’s bloodstream. Moreover, breastfeeding can be beneficial both for the birthing parent, the long-term health of the baby, and bonding, which is even more challenging when a parent is depressed.

Depression not only affects you: it affects your relationships with your partner and your baby. Untreated, depression can lead to bonding difficulties and delayed development or failure to thrive. Getting the help you need to recover quickly is the best thing you can do for your baby and yourself.

Most importantly, tell your support people (your family, friends, partner) how you are feeling. The burden of trying to seem happy and “keeping it all together” can make the depression worse. You need to lean on the people who care about you, get as much help as you need until you’re back to feeling like yourself, and don’t beat yourself up for having a PMHD. It is NOT YOUR FAULT.

Commitment and Kids

Why the Couple Relationship Is So Important When You Are Parents

baby shoes

What makes a committed relationship thrive once kids come into the picture? It’s the ability to stay connected—to feel loved, supported, and safe with each other—even through the chaos of raising children. Maintaining that bond helps couples weather the storms of parenting with their relationship (and sanity) intact.

Why Your Relationship Still Matters

After having children, it’s easy for your partnership to slip to the bottom of the list. Work demands attention, the baby needs constant care, and “couple time” can feel like a luxury. But when your relationship is consistently last, even a strong partnership can begin to suffer.

Taking care of your connection isn’t selfish—it’s essential. A loving relationship forms the foundation for your family’s stability and your children’s emotional well-being. Kids thrive when they see their parents treating each other with kindness, respect, and affection.

Nurturing Connection

Keeping your relationship healthy doesn’t mean grand gestures—it means small, intentional efforts to stay close.

  • Spend time together, even briefly, without the kids.
  • Find joy in shared activities as a family.
  • Keep physical affection and intimacy alive in whatever way works for both of you.
  • Accept that your partner, like you, is a human being doing their best—and not a perfect parent.

Studies consistently show that children do best when their parents’ relationship is strong, even when parenting isn’t flawless.

Communicate with Care

Good communication is at the heart of every healthy relationship. It may seem easier to avoid conflict or bury frustration, but unspoken resentment can quietly erode intimacy and affection. Learning how to talk about your feelings calmly and honestly can bring you closer, even when conversations are uncomfortable.

Here’s an example:
Imagine your partner is caring for the baby but spends part of that time watching football on TV. You feel frustrated—it’s understandable. Rather than snapping in the heat of the moment or bottling up your feelings, take a breath and reflect on what you want to say.

You might start with something like:

“I know you’ve had a long day and need to unwind. I appreciate that you’re spending time with the baby, but I feel a bit resentful when I see the TV on after I’ve been with her all day. Can we talk about it?”

This approach invites conversation rather than conflict. Your partner may open up about feeling uncertain or inexperienced with the baby. You may realize that your child won’t be harmed by a little football, and that both of you are simply trying to do your best. Working through the issue helps resentment fade and understanding grow.

Knowing When to Let Go

Not every irritation needs to be discussed—but ask yourself, can I truly let this go? If not, it’s better to talk about it calmly before frustration builds. Conflict handled with care can deepen intimacy and trust.

Getting Support When You Need It

Every couple faces challenges. If you find that your conversations aren’t leading to resolution or connection, consider seeking help from a couples therapist. Having a supportive space to talk can help you rebuild goodwill and rediscover the warmth that brought you together in the first place.

Often, the recurring issues between partners stem from deeper worries—about feeling loved, valued, or secure. Reconnecting on that emotional level can make small conflicts feel manageable again and remind you that you’re on the same team.

A strong relationship isn’t about avoiding conflict—it’s about staying connected through it. When you nurture your partnership, you not only strengthen your bond but also create a more loving, stable home for your children and yourselves.