Category Archives: Blog

Not My Circus, Not My Monkeys

On resentment that fuels chronic pain and symptoms, and the embodied process of unlearning the habit of anticipating the needs of others

I didn’t grow up in an abusive family. Neither of my parents were addicts or had a personality disorder. No one went to prison. I think a lot of people assume that if they had a “good enough” childhood, they don’t carry significant wounds, or cannot call any of their childhood experiences trauma.

But when I went to therapy during college, after years of living with mild depression and low self-esteem, I realized that I had internalized a bunch of really burdensome beliefs from the childhood I did have.

Read More…

Share this on:

A Master’s in Economics and a PhD in People-Pleasing

On hiding who you are, chronic pain and symptoms, and what it takes to heal both

Today, my middle child turns 27. Their birth was a watershed time in my life. Before, I thought I was a relatively happily married mom, a government analyst who worked in San Francisco and lived in the suburbs, with a predictable path set forth for me.

Seventeen months after that birth, I was still recovering after a severe episode of postpartum anxiety, depression, and chronic dizziness and nausea. I was starting a business. I was very much aware that my marriage might not last. And I felt alive in a new way. More than ever before, I was excited about my future and focused on what I wanted for myself, not just what others expected of me.

Read More…

Share this on:

What Chronic Pain Might Be Telling Parents of Challenging Kids

On suppressed emotions, neuroplastic symptoms, and why self-compassion might be the most therapeutic thing you can do

There’s a version of parenting I imagined before I had children. It involved connection, warmth, small hands in mine. It did not involve sitting in a school parking lot after a parent teacher conference, trying to remember how to breathe.

I have an adult son who is neurodivergent. He is brilliant, funny, kind, and, for many years, genuinely difficult. Hard at school, where the structure and overstimulation chafed him in ways nobody quite had words for. Hard with his siblings, where his temperament caused more conflict and chaos than would have been ideal. Hard for me to reach on the days when I was already running on fumes, and the gap between the parent I wanted to be and the one I actually was felt like a canyon.

Read More…

Share this on:

The Problem With Problem-Solving

On anxiety, self-compassion, and why your brain keeps looking for problems to solve

The mind, when it’s anxious, will find a problem to solve. It doesn’t matter if the problem is real or imagined, or already over. It just needs something to work on. I was reminded of this the other night, lying awake and anxious after working on my last post too close to bedtime.

There were thoughts about whether I was sharing too much of my personal story in my posts, whether they were overlapping too much in terms of the themes I discussed, and also how people might respond to what I shared about how my first marriage ended. I wondered whether anyone really wanted to hear any of it. I was comparing myself to other writers on Substack who I felt were much more capable writers than I am, and wondering why I had committed to writing a Substack newsletter.

I realized that I was trying to “problem solve” the uncomfortable sensations I was feeling, so I focused my attention just on the bodily sensations and let the thoughts go for now.

Keep Reading…

Share this on:

Tied in Knots: Why We Abandon Ourselves

(and How to Stop)

“It is literally impossible to be a woman. You are so beautiful, and so smart, and it kills me that you don’t think you’re good enough…”

That Barbie monologue spoke to me, as it did to so many women. America Ferrera was speaking for millions of women who’ve tied themselves in knots trying to be everything to everyone—and ended up losing themselves in the process.

I know because I was one of them.

Read more…

Share this on:

When My Body Expressed What I Couldn’t Say

How stress manifested as severe physical symptoms

Read more on Substack…

Share this on:

Check out my new Substack Newsletter!

I just launched my own Substack, called Body Wise Parent: Mind-body Wisdom for Parents. In it, I’ll be posting roughly biweekly about neuroplasticity, mind-body healing, and my own experience overcoming symptoms while raising four kids.

My hope is to support parents struggling with chronic pain, unexplained medical symptoms, anxiety and depression, while sharing knowledge about how to balance the needs of our families with our own need for self-care and nourishment. My first newsletter shares a bit about my own path through chronic symptoms and what I hope to share in upcoming newsletters. Check it out at https://bodywiseparent.substack.com.

Share this on:

Don’t Abandon Yourself this Holiday Season

For those of us who are susceptible to chronic pain or other physical symptoms, or who tend toward anxiety or depression (all of which can be neuroplastic, by the way), the holiday season can be a time when we need to be especially mindful. It’s all too easy to abandon ourselves in the rush to make everyone else happy.

There’s nothing wrong with caring deeply about the needs of the people we love. That’s a beautiful quality. But for some of us, prioritizing others can tip from caring into compulsion.

So what does it mean to have high personal agency in our lives?

It means we know what matters to us, and we make conscious decisions based on our own values and priorities. It means we can consider our wants and needs alongside those of the people we care about—and choose our actions based on what feels most aligned and meaningful overall.

Many people with a people-pleasing pattern feel obligated to keep others happy, even when it costs them something important. The thought of disappointing someone can feel unbearable, and abandoning ourselves can become the default.

Learning to cultivate high personal agency doesn’t mean you stop being generous or caring. It doesn’t mean you can never put someone else first. In fact, it doesn’t require changing your actions at all. What it does mean is that when you choose to do something for others, you do it from a place of clarity and intention—because, in your own honest assessment, the benefits outweigh the costs.

So this holiday season, what might shift if you chose not to abandon yourself? What could open up if you committed to honoring your own agency in every meaningful decision?

You deserve to be part of the circle of people you care for.

Share this on:

Antidepressant Medication in Pregnancy

Pregnant Belly

The debate over the safety of psychotropic medications during pregnancy continues to spark strong opinions. Critics of antidepressants often cite numerous articles and isolated studies highlighting potential risks or questioning their effectiveness. What we’re seeing, in many cases, is a form of “splitting”—the tendency to categorize something as entirely good or entirely bad. When it comes to psychiatric medication, people often fall into one camp or the other and accept only the evidence that supports their viewpoint.

The reality is more nuanced. Yes, some psychiatrists make mistakes, and psychiatric medications can be overprescribed or misprescribed. Some people do not respond well to them. But many others experience profound relief, and for some, these medications are lifesaving. This is why clear, balanced, and evidence-based information about the use of psychotropic medications during pregnancy and breastfeeding is so critically important.

Many who oppose antidepressants advocate for natural or holistic approaches to treating depression and anxiety. These approaches can absolutely be helpful for some people. I’ve personally tried acupuncture, chiropractic care, homeopathy, craniosacral therapy, and herbal treatments, and at times found them beneficial. But, just as we rely on modern medicine for conditions like Type 1 diabetes, there are situations in which holistic measures simply aren’t enough.

In my own experience many years ago, no amount of holistic treatment or psychotherapy touched my severe postpartum anxiety and depression. I was eventually hospitalized when I no longer wanted to live. Six weeks after starting an antidepressant, I was able to function again and finally benefit from therapy. I know that medication saved my life, and I’ve heard countless similar stories from other birthing people.

Perinatal mental health disorders have both biological and psychological components. Hormonal shifts, physical recovery from childbirth or cesarean, and chronic sleep deprivation can all play significant roles. In my work with birthing people, I’ve seen again and again that those with severe perinatal depression, anxiety, or OCD often do best with a combination of approaches—psychotherapy, self-care, social support, nutrition, sunlight, and moderate exercise, and medication when needed.

Some parents choose not to take medication, and many do recover with therapy, support, and lifestyle changes. But some later wish they had considered medication sooner, regretting the weeks or months lost with their baby while they struggled to bond or function due to overwhelming symptoms.

Untreated depression and anxiety during pregnancy and the postpartum period carry real risks. They can affect birth outcomes and have lasting effects on the parent, the baby, and the entire family system.

The truth is that some new parents simply do not have the energy, motivation, or clarity to benefit fully from therapy or self-care until their symptoms are stabilized. In my experience, most of these individuals improve significantly once they receive the right medication. That practical reality matters far more than abstract debates about whether medication is “good” or “bad.”

New parents deserve balanced, compassionate information—not scare tactics, shame, or political agendas. Their health, their babies’ well-being, and their family’s future depend on access to accurate guidance and the full spectrum of effective treatment options.

Share this on: