For those of us who are susceptible to chronic pain or other physical symptoms, or who tend toward anxiety or depression (all of which can be neuroplastic, by the way), the holiday season can be a time when we need to be especially mindful. It’s all too easy to abandon ourselves in the rush to make everyone else happy.
There’s nothing wrong with caring deeply about the needs of the people we love. That’s a beautiful quality. But for some of us, prioritizing others can tip from caring into compulsion.
So what does it mean to have high personal agency in our lives?
It means we know what matters to us, and we make conscious decisions based on our own values and priorities. It means we can consider our wants and needs alongside those of the people we care about—and choose our actions based on what feels most aligned and meaningful overall.
Many people with a people-pleasing pattern feel obligated to keep others happy, even when it costs them something important. The thought of disappointing someone can feel unbearable, and abandoning ourselves can become the default.
Learning to cultivate high personal agency doesn’t mean you stop being generous or caring. It doesn’t mean you can never put someone else first. In fact, it doesn’t require changing your actions at all. What it does mean is that when you choose to do something for others, you do it from a place of clarity and intention—because, in your own honest assessment, the benefits outweigh the costs.
So this holiday season, what might shift if you chose not to abandon yourself? What could open up if you committed to honoring your own agency in every meaningful decision?
You deserve to be part of the circle of people you care for.