Author Archives: Meri Levy

The Drama of the Upside-Down Plate: What I Learned About Emotions as a Child

For many years, I thought I was just “too emotional.” I hadn’t learned to allow and to express my feelings. They felt too big because they were stuck inside, and because of what I had been taught was normal.

My feelings often felt too intense, too easily triggered. Everyone else seemed to have it together while I was a mess inside. It never occurred to me that other people might be having the same feelings—they just weren’t showing them. I was comparing my insides to other people’s outsides.

It also didn’t occur to me that burying my emotions might make me sick.

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How I Learned Not To Abandon Myself

(and What a Mispronounced Name Taught Me)

My body had been speaking what I refused to acknowledge: I was abandoning myself to take care of everyone else, and my nervous system wasn’t having it anymore.

While postpartum with my second child, I was hospitalized for severe depression and anxiety after suffering months of chronic dizziness and nausea. I was released from the hospital after twelve days of inpatient treatment. During those days, I kept solid food down for the first time in months, started to have an appetite, and was just beginning to be able to sleep through the night. I was seeing a light at the end of the tunnel.

When I got home and was back in the stressful environment I had left, I immediately felt like no recovery had occurred at all. My husband expected me to be back to 100% right away, and every stressful moment, even the sound of my son’s voice (needing something from me!), caused a wave of dread, dizziness and nausea to come right back. Clearly, I hadn’t fully recovered yet. So I got put in a full-day intensive outpatient program for six weeks, so I could ease back into “life on the outside.”

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Handouts for Recovery from Anxiety, Pain or Symptoms

I’m sharing some handouts that I created for my Substack newsletter, Body Wise Parent. I hope you find them helpful!

Safety Reappraisal for Chronic Pain/Symptoms

For people overcoming chronic pain or symptoms by establishing a greater sense of safety in the body.

Safety_Reappraisal_HandoutDownload

Inner Child/Inner Parent Dialogue Exercise

For people who are learning to improve emotional self-care and overcoming the impact of childhood emotional neglect.

Inner Child Dialog ExerciseDownload

Overcoming Compulsive Caretaking Handout

For people who feel over-responsible for others and are learning not to abandon themselves.

Compulsive Caretaking HandoutDownload

Emotional Awareness & Expression Handout for Anxiety and Pain or Symptoms

For people learning to acknowledge, allow and express emotions as a way of calming their nervous system and diminishing chronic pain or other symptoms.

Emotional Awareness & Expression HandoutDownload
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Check out my new Substack Newsletter!

I just launched my own Substack, called Body Wise Parent: Mind-body Wisdom for Parents. In it, I’ll be posting roughly biweekly about neuroplasticity, mind-body healing, and my own experience overcoming symptoms while raising four kids.

My hope is to support parents struggling with chronic pain, unexplained medical symptoms, anxiety and depression, while sharing knowledge about how to balance the needs of our families with our own need for self-care and nourishment. My first newsletter shares a bit about my own path through chronic symptoms and what I hope to share in upcoming newsletters. Check it out at https://bodywiseparent.substack.com.

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Empowering Mind-Body Healing for Women

A supportive, empowering message to women who have had their pain and symptoms dismissed for far too long.

For generations, possibly since the advent of modern medicine, women’s health concerns have been minimized, misunderstood, or dismissed outright. Women have been labeled “hysterical,” “dramatic,” or “too sensitive” when they were suffering with very real physical conditions. Many of us have been told our symptoms are “all in our heads,” that we’re overreacting, and that we simply need to calm down or push through. Or to “just get over it.”

Given that history, it is completely understandable that the idea of mind–body healing can feel uncomfortable or even insulting. For many women, it appears to echo the same harmful messages we’ve heard their whole lives: “You’re imagining it.” “It’s your fault.” “Just get over it.” That’s the opposite of what women deserve. 

Women are not “more emotional.” We are more burdened.

Women experience higher rates of chronic pain, autoimmune illness, migraines, IBS, fatigue disorders, anxiety, and other stress-related conditions—not because we are weaker or more fragile–in fact, just the opposite! It is very likely that these conditions impact women more because we often carry more:

  • Caregiving responsibilities
  • Emotional labor at home and at work
  • Discrimination and microaggressions
  • Financial and workplace instability
  • Exposure to trauma and unsafe relationships
  • Pressure to be accommodating, calm, kind, and self-sacrificing

Women are often expected to perform at work as if we don’t have families, and at home as if we don’t have jobs. We are trained to consider others’ needs before their own. We are told to smile through pain and stay “pleasant,” no matter what we’re carrying. A body under those conditions will eventually speak up. Often through pain or symptoms.

When symptoms are neuroplastic, they’re not imaginary

Pain or symptoms that are created or maintained by the brain are not “made up,” “in your head,” or less legitimate or impactful. It simply means the nervous system has become overwhelmed and has created the symptom as an act of self-protection. The brain is incredibly powerful, and it can create real: 

  • pain
  • inflammation
  • skin conditions
  • digestive issues
  • dizziness
  • fatigue
  • nausea
  • sensitivities to foods, sounds, light and chemicals
  • sensations of numbness, tingling, itching and burning, and others

Not with willpower. Not with “pushing through.” Not with being a “good patient.” Not with pretending you’re fine. But with approaches that calm and retrain the brain, address stress and overwhelm, restore agency, and bring your system back into balance.

Why women often hesitate to embrace mind–body neuroplastic treatments:

Women have excellent reasons to be cautious. We’ve often been dismissed by providers or been given answers and treatments that were not helpful or that made things worse. We’re often told that our symptoms are due to stress without receiving support to address the root cause. We’ve lacked adequate care, support, or time to heal. We haven’t had our suffering taken seriously.

So when someone says, “Your pain may be neuroplastic,” many women understandably hear: “You’re imagining it,” or “It’s up to you to fix it alone.” But in truth, neuroplastic healing is one of the most validating approaches available, because it says: “Your symptoms are real, your suffering is legitimate, and your healing matters.”

Mind–body healing is not self-blame — it is self-restoration.

Neuroplastic treatments do not ask women to ignore structural medical issues that need treatment, and they are not based on the idea that pain or discomfort is “all in your head.” What mind-body healing does do is empower women with tools that have been proven to reduce or eliminate chronic pain and other symptoms by addressing the overloaded nervous systems that so many women live with every day.

Healing happens through:

  • Learning to feel safe in your body again
  • Setting boundaries where life has demanded too much
  • Addressing perfectionistic or self-sacrificial patterns that make life difficult
  • Giving yourself the compassion you rarely receive from others
  • Processing emotions you’ve had to suppress to survive
  • Reclaiming agency over your health and wellbeing

It is about restoring your sense of safety and learning to live in a way that allows you to feel your feelings, prioritize your well-being, and live in a more authentic way. Living more authentically allows your nervous system to thrive and allows you to engage with life in a more joyful way. 

You deserve a healing path that sees the whole you

Mind–body healing is not a message that something is wrong with you. It is a message that you’ve likely carried too much, and it’s taken a toll on your well-being. Your symptoms — painful, frustrating, frightening as they are — are your body’s way of saying: “I’ve been carrying too much for too long.” “I need care just as much as I give it.” “I deserve safety, rest, and support.” You deserve to feel fully supported as you reclaim your health, your agency, and your well-being.

If you’d like to schedule a consultation to discuss the symptoms you’re experiencing, contact me, or schedule an appointment.

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Real Nervous System Regulation

It isn’t Always About “Calming Down”

There’s a lot of talk these days about the importance of “nervous system regulation.” We often hear that when the body is in fight-or-flight mode, the brain interprets danger signals and may create physical symptoms or anxiety as a protective response. This is true—but it’s only part of the story.

What often gets overlooked is that nervous system regulation doesn’t always happen directly. We can’t always breathe, meditate, or stretch our way out of fight-or-flight, especially if our bodies are sounding an alarm for a real and valid reason. Sometimes the issue isn’t that we don’t know how to calm down—it’s that something in our lives is keeping us stuck in a state of tension.

So instead of asking, “How do I calm my nervous system?” it can be more helpful to ask: “Why is is my nervous system activated in the first place?”

Our bodies don’t sound alarms for no reason. A dysregulated nervous system is often trying to tell us something. Here are some of the deeper, underlying causes that can keep a person stuck in chronic vigilance:

Emotional and Psychological Roots of Dysregulation

  • Perfectionism rooted in a belief that you’re never “good enough.”
  • Unprocessed emotions such as grief, anger, sadness, loneliness, or hurt.
  • Unresolved trauma or childhood neglect that created lasting beliefs of being unsafe or uncared for.
  • Lack of emotional safety in current work or relationship environments.
  • Growing up in chaos or unpredictability, leading to long-standing hypervigilance.
  • Internalized pressure to have no needs, resulting in people-pleasing, overfunctioning, or self-abandonment.

When these patterns are present, nervous system activation makes sense. It is trying to protect you from situations that echo past danger—or from present circumstances that feel overwhelming or unsustainable.

Why Regulation Techniques Aren’t Always Enough

Breathing exercises, grounding skills, or mindfulness practices can absolutely be helpful tools. They can settle your system in moments when you’re not actively being triggered. They can create space, reduce intensity, and help you reconnect with your body.

But expecting these techniques to fully resolve dysregulation—without addressing the underlying causes—is like turning down the volume on a fire alarm without checking for fire and then putting the fire out.

Often, true nervous system calming comes from the deeper work of changing behavioral patterns, relationships, environments, or beliefs that continually activate your stress response.

The Real Work of Re-Regulating Your Nervous System

Real inner calm grows from actions that are less about soothing and more about changing the conditions that keep your system overwhelmed. That might include:

  • Advocating for yourself in relationships or at work.
  • Tolerating healthy conflict and learning that it can be safe, instead of avoiding it.
  • Allowing yourself to feel grief, anger, sadness, or loss rather than pushing those emotions away.
  • Setting and honoring boundaries, even when it feels uncomfortable.
  • Addressing unhealthy or one-sided relationships, including the possibility of ending them.
  • Letting go of “shoulds” and making important decisions based on self-respect and your values, not pressure or fear.
  • Processing trauma so that your body can finally register that the danger is over.
  • Releasing the belief that your job is to keep everyone else happy at the cost of your own well-being.

These aren’t quick fixes. They are forms of emotional labor, self-advocacy, and true inner healing that change the very reasons the nervous system goes into fight-or-flight in the first place.

When the Body Isn’t Calm, There’s Usually a Reason

When you’re not feeling relaxed or grounded, it doesn’t necessarily mean you’re doing anything wrong. There may be a valid, very human reason that your system is activated. Your nervous system may be trying to say:

“Something in your life needs attention.”

Sometimes the most powerful nervous system regulation isn’t a technique—it’s a boundary.
Or an honest conversation.
Or letting yourself cry.
Or finally telling the truth about what hurts.
Or choosing yourself in a situation where you’ve habitually chosen everyone else.

Inner Calm Comes From Alignment, Not Perfection

Ultimately, nervous system regulation is less about mastering calming practices and more about aligning your life with your needs, your values, and your emotional truth.

When you feel safe to be yourself, safe to have needs, and safe to feel your feelings, your nervous system naturally settles.
Not because you forced it to—
but because it no longer has to protect you from things you are ignoring.

If you’d like help to achieve more calm in your nervous system, I’d be honored to help you. Contact Me, Or Schedule an appointment.

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Don’t Abandon Yourself this Holiday Season

For those of us who are susceptible to chronic pain or other physical symptoms, or who tend toward anxiety or depression (all of which can be neuroplastic, by the way), the holiday season can be a time when we need to be especially mindful. It’s all too easy to abandon ourselves in the rush to make everyone else happy.

There’s nothing wrong with caring deeply about the needs of the people we love. That’s a beautiful quality. But for some of us, prioritizing others can tip from caring into compulsion.

So what does it mean to have high personal agency in our lives?

It means we know what matters to us, and we make conscious decisions based on our own values and priorities. It means we can consider our wants and needs alongside those of the people we care about—and choose our actions based on what feels most aligned and meaningful overall.

Many people with a people-pleasing pattern feel obligated to keep others happy, even when it costs them something important. The thought of disappointing someone can feel unbearable, and abandoning ourselves can become the default.

Learning to cultivate high personal agency doesn’t mean you stop being generous or caring. It doesn’t mean you can never put someone else first. In fact, it doesn’t require changing your actions at all. What it does mean is that when you choose to do something for others, you do it from a place of clarity and intention—because, in your own honest assessment, the benefits outweigh the costs.

So this holiday season, what might shift if you chose not to abandon yourself? What could open up if you committed to honoring your own agency in every meaningful decision?

You deserve to be part of the circle of people you care for.

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Medical Rule-Outs, Mind-Body Rule-Ins:

A Balanced Approach to Physical Symptoms in Therapy

Today, a fellow therapist asked me, “Aren’t you worried about treating someone as if they have neuroplastic symptoms when they actually have a serious medical condition?”

This question raised a lot of interesting thoughts for me. So welcome to my TED Talk!

Firstly, the vast majority of people who seek treatment for neuroplastic symptoms already have seen all the doctors. Rather than not being evaluated medically, the much more common scenario is that they have seen all the mainstream doctors they can get referrals for. They may also have seen a few nontraditional practitioners as well. They have likely heard from their doctors that there’s nothing that can be done medically, or have tried all the recommended medical treatments, or have gotten sick and tired of spending all their money and time on alternative treatments.

Moreover, some neuroplastic conditions present in a way that doesn’t lend itself to a medical diagnosis. Symptoms might move around randomly, from one part of the body to another. They might hurt the day after exercise, but not during it. Or pain might start right when they walk into the gym. Or symptoms may have started simultaneously in both hands or both shoulders. Or they may happen only when it rains, or during the full moon, or on Monday mornings. Those are conditions that doctors just shrug their shoulders at.

Or they may happen only when it rains, or during the full moon, or on Monday mornings. Those are conditions that doctors just shrug their shoulders at.

Furthermore, it occurred to me that therapists don’t worry about this very much when they’re treating neuroplastic conditions that appear psychological, such as depression – even though that can also be caused by a medical condition. I always make sure my clients with depression, anxiety or insomnia have had a full physical exam and labs done, since I don’t want to find out a year into treatment that a client is hypothyroid or has a deficiency. It’s always important to make sure our clients are getting adequate medical care – whether or not they are being treated for physical symptoms. 

When I developed debilitating neuroplastic dizziness, vertigo, nausea, vomiting and insomnia, my doctor spent months trying to figure out what was medically wrong with me. I had many rounds of lab tests done, a trip to a neurologist, and an MRI. Every test was normal. All that accomplished was delaying my recovery, and I ended up hospitalized with Major Depressive Disorder after being unable to eat or sleep for several months. 

That’s not to say that those tests didn’t need to be done, but it wouldn’t have hurt for me to be getting support from a mind-body therapist at the same time. 

The truth is that you don’t have to choose between being medically evaluated and receiving treatment for neuroplastic symptoms. Your doctor should treat your symptoms as legitimate, and should run any and all diagnostic tests needed and refer you to any appropriate specialists. AND, whenever it becomes apparent that there may be a neuroplastic component to your symptoms, mind-body treatments should be pursued. If they work, then it is clear that your symptoms were neuroplastic all along.

To find out if mind-body treatment can help you overcome your chronic symptoms, Contact Me.

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