Postpartum Support International is now offering even more online support meetings for pregnant and postpartum moms isolated at home. Check out the link below to find out more or to sign up.
https://www.postpartum.net/get-help/psi-online-support-meetings/
Take a test to see if you have Prenatal or Postpartum Depression
A friend posted this, and I have to share it. We all know how easy it is to say the wrong thing when someone’s ill or in a crisis. Some otherwise caring people avoid connecting with loved ones during those times simply because they don’t know what to do or say. This article is a simple “how to” for providing support to those in need without making things worse. A Must-Read! http://articles.latimes.com/2013/apr/07/opinion/la-oe-0407-silk-ring-theory-20130407
If you are a mother, you have probably experienced at least one day (if not many) when you wondered if you were cut out for the job of parenting. Mothering is hard work. Even on our best days parenting our kids, there are difficult moments. Many days, it is the occasional joyful moment that makes it all worthwhile. Other times, it may not feel like the good justifies the bad.
Take a Screening Test for Perinatal Mental Health Disorders
The Baby Blues has become as much an accepted part of being a new birthing parent as engorged breasts and sleep deprivation. But what if the Blues don’t go away? For 10-20% of new parents, a perinatal mental health disorder (PMHD) is an unwanted and difficult part of the first year of parenthood. The causes of PMHDs are many, and can include hormonal and lifestyle changes, a lack of social support, sleep deprivation, a high-risk pregnancy, a traumatic birth or difficult recovery, or breastfeeding problems. You are also at a higher risk of PMHDs if you have suffered previously from anxiety or depression, or have recent losses or trauma in your life. Symptoms of PMHDs can include:
Many new parents experience only a few of these symptoms, but if you feel like something is wrong and you’re not quite yourself, that is an important signal. If these symptoms persist for two weeks or more, you should promptly get support by talking to your doctor or a mental health professional. PMHDs are highly treatable, with therapy, medication, or a combination of the two.
If you need medication and you are told that you must give up breastfeeding, make sure you get the advice of a prescriber who is knowledgeable about medications for breastfeeding parents. There are a few antidepressants which are routinely prescribed during breastfeeding with untraceable amounts detectable in the baby’s bloodstream. Moreover, breastfeeding can be beneficial both for the birthing parent, the long-term health of the baby, and bonding, which is even more challenging when a parent is depressed.
Depression not only affects you: it affects your relationships with your partner and your baby. Untreated, depression can lead to bonding difficulties and delayed development or failure to thrive. Getting the help you need to recover quickly is the best thing you can do for your baby and yourself.
Most importantly, tell your support people (your family, friends, partner) how you are feeling. The burden of trying to seem happy and “keeping it all together” can make the depression worse. You need to lean on the people who care about you, get as much help as you need until you’re back to feeling like yourself, and don’t beat yourself up for having a PMHD. It is NOT YOUR FAULT.
An article I wrote for the GoodTherapy.org blog. The important take-away: depression is a serious illness. Mild to moderate depression often can be treated through psychotherapy and improved relationships and self-care. But if you need medication to recover, it’s still important to get better however you need to.
http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/can-depression-be-cured-without-medication-1117144
What makes a committed relationship thrive once kids come into the picture? It’s the ability to stay connected—to feel loved, supported, and safe with each other—even through the chaos of raising children. Maintaining that bond helps couples weather the storms of parenting with their relationship (and sanity) intact.
After having children, it’s easy for your partnership to slip to the bottom of the list. Work demands attention, the baby needs constant care, and “couple time” can feel like a luxury. But when your relationship is consistently last, even a strong partnership can begin to suffer.
Taking care of your connection isn’t selfish—it’s essential. A loving relationship forms the foundation for your family’s stability and your children’s emotional well-being. Kids thrive when they see their parents treating each other with kindness, respect, and affection.
Keeping your relationship healthy doesn’t mean grand gestures—it means small, intentional efforts to stay close.
Studies consistently show that children do best when their parents’ relationship is strong, even when parenting isn’t flawless.
Good communication is at the heart of every healthy relationship. It may seem easier to avoid conflict or bury frustration, but unspoken resentment can quietly erode intimacy and affection. Learning how to talk about your feelings calmly and honestly can bring you closer, even when conversations are uncomfortable.
Here’s an example:
Imagine your partner is caring for the baby but spends part of that time watching football on TV. You feel frustrated—it’s understandable. Rather than snapping in the heat of the moment or bottling up your feelings, take a breath and reflect on what you want to say.
You might start with something like:
“I know you’ve had a long day and need to unwind. I appreciate that you’re spending time with the baby, but I feel a bit resentful when I see the TV on after I’ve been with her all day. Can we talk about it?”
This approach invites conversation rather than conflict. Your partner may open up about feeling uncertain or inexperienced with the baby. You may realize that your child won’t be harmed by a little football, and that both of you are simply trying to do your best. Working through the issue helps resentment fade and understanding grow.
Not every irritation needs to be discussed—but ask yourself, can I truly let this go? If not, it’s better to talk about it calmly before frustration builds. Conflict handled with care can deepen intimacy and trust.
Every couple faces challenges. If you find that your conversations aren’t leading to resolution or connection, consider seeking help from a couples therapist. Having a supportive space to talk can help you rebuild goodwill and rediscover the warmth that brought you together in the first place.
Often, the recurring issues between partners stem from deeper worries—about feeling loved, valued, or secure. Reconnecting on that emotional level can make small conflicts feel manageable again and remind you that you’re on the same team.
A strong relationship isn’t about avoiding conflict—it’s about staying connected through it. When you nurture your partnership, you not only strengthen your bond but also create a more loving, stable home for your children and yourselves.
Parenting together after a divorce challenges the most dedicated of parents. So many feelings get stirred up while we work through the difficulties of co-parenting. The following principles can help provide guidance for parents in being their best selves following a divorce:
1. Be flexible
To the extent possible, accommodate minor custody changes needed by the other parent. Being flexible allows everyone to get their needs met. This does not mean unduly inconveniencing yourself or your child, or being a doormat for an unreasonable ex.
2. Take the high road and keep your cool
Even if you are unhappy with your ex’s behavior, take the high road. Who do you want to be? What are your modeling for your co-parent? For your kids? Avoid escalating conflict for the benefit of your child, by noticing when emotions are running high and waiting before acting on them. (Such as – have a policy of letting all emotion-laden emails rest in your “Drafts” Folder for a day before sending.)
3. Pick your battles
Consider when it is constructive to bring up concerns with your ex, and when it will cause a fight that you can’t win. Some parents can coordinate rules, agree on homework expectations, etc. But if you have a less cooperative co-parenting relationship, be realistic about what will be accomplished by a discussion and save it for when it matters. There will be times when, despite your best efforts, your ex will say “no,” won’t cooperate, won’t respond or participate. At those times, grieving that which you cannot have may be a hard but necessary road to peace of mind.
4. Whose battle is it, anyway?
When a problem arises, spend some time to determine who is the best person to solve it. If the problem is primarily between your ex and your child, support him or her in addressing it with the other parent rather than stepping in.
5. Communicate directly with your ex to the best of your ability, or directly with your children’s providers (teachers, doctors, etc.)
Communicate with your co-parent rather than passing messages through your child. Communicate in a factual, business-like manner. A voicemail or email on “switch day” can cover information about homework, medical information, current disciplinary issues, and upcoming events or needed supplies. If contact = conflict, then you can communicate with your children’s providers directly. When making requests, do so in simple and direct language. If your ex tends not to reply or to say “no,” consider in advance what you will do in these cases and whether to let them know in advance what you will do in these instances.
6. Provide both love and limits
Kids need nurturing as well as structure and stability, especially during stressful times. Maintain consistent routines, and set and enforce firm and fair rules, even when it’s hard. Consistency helps children feel secure. Age-appropriate responsibilities build life skills and empower kids to find solutions.
7. Make it easy for your child to have what he/she needs
To the extent possible, have everything your child needs at both homes, rather than expecting your child to transport what he/she needs. Schools will provide extra copies of textbooks for their second home. Kids should have age-appropriate responsibility for managing their belongings among two homes.
There are no simple solutions when it comes to the long, hard road of parenting after divorce. It is so important that you make space for all the emotions that are triggered by interacting with your ex-partner. Getting support from friends, family or a therapist can make the path an easier one. Making an effort to apply these principles, and having compassion for yourself when you inevitably fall short of complete success, is a step toward successful co-parenting.
This article was written by Meri Levy, M.A., MFT and Lena Glaser, M.A.
One of the common themes I come across when working with mothers experiencing depression and anxiety is perfectionism and people-pleasing. Moms get worn out when they are trying to make everyone happy all the time.
There are often good reasons for a tendency to be over-responsible for the feelings of others. Many of us come from families where there was an unspoken expectation that a child must be “good,” because one or both parents were unable to tolerate the challenge of even normal childhood misbehavior. Or sometimes, children develop an unconscious habit of caretaking for others as a way to get their own needs met.
Take a test to see if you have Prenatal or Postpartum Depression
There is no guilt quite like the guilt of a parent. We feel so uniquely responsible for the care of our children. Every lapse in our parenting weighs on us.
Throughout life there are always reasons to feel guilty: the call we forgot to return or the birthday card we forgot to send, or the time we snapped at our partner for no good reason. But when we feel we have failed with our child, this guilt weighs even heavier on our minds.
Guilt is an emotion with a conscience — it helps us try to do our best, and it reminds us of what is important to us. But too much guilt can rob us of enjoyment. And as a parent, there is so much to feel guilty about! If we dote on our child, there’s the house, friends, partner or even job to feel guilty about, and if we try to meet our other obligations, it is easy to feel that you have failed as a parent. It’s a Catch-22!
I wonder sometimes if our parents felt as guilty as we do, or if it is unique to our generation to expect so much from ourselves. And guilt in itself is purposeless. It doesn’t help anyone, but only makes it more difficult to do our best.
When you are feeling guilty, it is important to look at this feeling from some emotional distance, seeing it objectively instead of being its victim. Decide whether your sense of guilt is justified. Sometimes sharing your feelings with a fellow parent can help you sort out what is legitimate and what is perfectionism.
When you feel that you have truly let someone down, it is important to do what you can to make it right. Apologize to the friend you neglected, or the partner or child you yelled at. Try to learn from your guilt to change your priorities and do things differently. Then let the guilt go.
When the guilt is baseless, or unavoidable, like when you feel guilty for a feeling you have, or because you cannot do more than you are capable of, then you need to practice using your “interior parent” to counter those feelings.
If you had a beloved friend who told you she felt terrible because the baby cried while she was on a much-needed outing with her partner, what would you tell her? Probably you would reassure her that she is a wonderful mother, and that she must nurture herself and her relationship in order to be the best mother she can be. You would tell her she has nothing to feel guilty about, and you would also empathize with her pain. This is the role you must also play with yourself.
Listen to your own thoughts, and when they are self-defeating or judgmental, respond to yourself the way you would to a loved one — being a good parent to yourself is part of being a good, loving and joyful parent to your children.
What are the risk factors for Postpartum Depression and anxiety? Can your personality contribute to your risk? Check out this article of mine, published on www.GoodTherapy.org.
Take a test to see if you have Prenatal or Postpartum Depression