Tag Archives: somatic complaints

Empowering Mind-Body Healing for Women

A supportive, empowering message to women who have had their pain and symptoms dismissed for far too long.

For generations, possibly since the advent of modern medicine, women’s health concerns have been minimized, misunderstood, or dismissed outright. Women have been labeled “hysterical,” “dramatic,” or “too sensitive” when they were suffering with very real physical conditions. Many of us have been told our symptoms are “all in our heads,” that we’re overreacting, and that we simply need to calm down or push through. Or to “just get over it.”

Given that history, it is completely understandable that the idea of mind–body healing can feel uncomfortable or even insulting. For many women, it appears to echo the same harmful messages we’ve heard their whole lives:
“You’re imagining it.”
 “It’s your fault.”
 “Just get over it.”

That’s the opposite of what women deserve. 

Women are not “more emotional.” We are more burdened.

Women experience higher rates of chronic pain, autoimmune illness, migraines, IBS, fatigue disorders, anxiety, and other stress-related conditions—not because we are weaker or more fragile–in fact, just the opposite! It is very likely that these conditions impact women more because we often carry more:

  • Caregiving responsibilities
  • Emotional labor at home and at work
  • Discrimination and microaggressions
  • Financial and workplace instability
  • Exposure to trauma and unsafe relationships
  • Pressure to be accommodating, calm, kind, and self-sacrificing

Women are often expected to perform at work as if we don’t have families, and at home as if we don’t have jobs. We are trained to consider others’ needs before their own. We are told to smile through pain and stay “pleasant,” no matter what we’re carrying. A body under those conditions will eventually speak up. Often through pain or symptoms.

When symptoms are neuroplastic, they’re not imaginary

Pain or symptoms that are created or maintained by the brain are not “made up,” “in your head,” or less legitimate or impactful. It simply means the nervous system has become overwhelmed and has created the symptom as an act of self-protection. The brain is incredibly powerful, and it can create real: 

  • pain
  • inflammation
  • skin conditions
  • digestive issues
  • dizziness
  • fatigue
  • nausea
  • sensitivities to foods, sounds, light and chemicals
  • sensations of numbness, tingling, itching and burning, and others

Neuroplastic symptoms are real. They can be severe. They can be disabling. And they are treatable.

Not with willpower.
Not with “pushing through.”
Not with being a “good patient.”
Not with pretending you’re fine.

But with approaches that calm and retrain the brain, address stress and overwhelm, restore agency, and bring your system back into balance.

Why women often hesitate to embrace mind–body neuroplastic treatments:

Women have excellent reasons to be cautious:

  • We’ve often been dismissed by providers or been given answers and treatments that were not helpful or that made things worse.
  • We’re often told that our symptoms are due to stress without receiving support to address the root cause.
  • We’ve lacked adequate care, support, or time to heal.
  • We haven’t had our suffering taken seriously.

So when someone says, “Your pain may be neuroplastic,” many women understandably hear:
“You’re imagining it.”
 or
“It’s up to you to fix it alone.”

But in truth, neuroplastic healing is one of the most validating approaches available, because it says: “Your symptoms are real, your suffering is legitimate, and your healing matters.”

Mind–body healing is not self-blame — it is self-restoration.

Neuroplastic treatments do not ask women to ignore structural medical issues that need treatment, and they are not based on the idea that pain or discomfort is “all in your head.” What mind-body healing does do is empower women with tools that have been proven to reduce or eliminate chronic pain and other symptoms by addressing the overloaded nervous systems that so many women live with every day.

Healing happens through:

  • Learning to feel safe in your body again
  • Setting boundaries where life has demanded too much
  • Addressing perfectionistic or self-sacrificial patterns that make life difficult
  • Giving yourself the compassion you rarely receive from others
  • Processing emotions you’ve had to suppress to survive
  • Reclaiming agency over your health and wellbeing

It is about restoring your sense of safety and learning to live in a way that allows you to feel your feelings, prioritize your well-being, and live in a more authentic way. Living more authentically allows your nervous system to thrive and allows you to engage with life in a more joyful way. 

You deserve a healing path that sees the whole you

Mind–body healing is not a message that something is wrong with you. It is a message that you’ve likely carried too much, and it’s taken a toll on your well-being. Your symptoms — painful, frustrating, frightening as they are — are your body’s way of saying:

“I’ve been carrying too much for too long.”
 “I need care just as much as I give it.”
 “I deserve safety, rest, and support.”

You deserve to feel fully supported as you reclaim your health, your agency, and your well-being.

If you’d like to schedule a consultation to discuss the symptoms you’re experiencing, contact me, or schedule an appointment.

Why Parents Should Nurture the Child Within, Too

Young woman on swing
Young woman on swing

Becoming a parent brings out so many new qualities in each of us. We learn to nurture selflessly. We learn patience and empathy. We learn to read the cues of our new baby, and how to meet their needs as best we can. It is an opportunity for growth like no other in our lifetime.

However, as we learn to give love and care to our child, many of us also begin to face the reality that we were not nurtured in certain ways in our own childhood. As we provide a loving mirror to our child, reflecting back a positive and validating image, we may become aware that we were not mirrored in a loving way ourselves. Perhaps we were shamed for certain qualities, or silenced when we voiced our truth, or in other ways shown that we were “not OK” the way we were.

Many of us have internalized shaming and dismissive attitudes directed at us as young children. We may not even realize that we continue the pattern by shaming or silencing ourselves. The child part within each of us, which is our source of joy, passion and creativity, is often stifled by our own inner shame. Our need for validation, love and nurturing are easily dismissed as “selfish” or “needy,” as we tell ourselves that we “shouldn’t” need the things the child inside us craves. The things we most enjoy and that give us pleasure are easily lost as we focus our attention on practical realities and the needs of others, especially our children and our partner.

This pattern of self-neglect fosters depression and chronic pain or physical symptoms. The child inside us loses hope that he or she will ever experience joy and fulfillment, contributing to depression. Or the child gets angry at being neglected and acts out, causing us to be resentful, irritable, or develop chronic symptoms (anxiety or somatic complaints) that tell us that all is not well in our inner world.  

This is how I understand my own struggle with anxiety and chronic symptoms as a mother raising my children. When I lost touch with the child inside me, as it is so easy to do while raising children, my anxiety mounted. If I continued to be what I believed a “good mother” was (e.g. selfless, endlessly patient and focused on the needs of others), the result was depression, painful physical symptoms, overeating, and other self-destructive patterns. What I came to discover was that by focusing my attention inward, and creating a loving dialog between my inner parent self and my inner child, I was able to heal those childhood wounds and feel a sense of balance and wholeness. 

Some clients of mine find that they can identify a clear inner parent and inner child voice. But for those who find it more difficult, the following exercise can be useful. You can communicate in the voice of your inner parent by writing with your dominant hand, and can reply as your inner child by writing with the non-dominant hand. It is amazing how easy it is for many people to access the child part of themselves when struggling to write with their non-dominant hand! If you have difficulty “hearing” your inner child voice, put your hand on your belly — that can help you access this vulnerable part.

You can start a dialog by asking “how are you doing?” or “how can I take care of you today?” or “what are you needing from me?” Some will find that the child inside them is quite angry and distrustful of the inner parent at first, for having neglected them for so long. But you can overcome this distrust by responding consistently in a loving parental voice, and reassuring the child inside you that you are there for them, that you will not leave them alone again, and that you love them just the way they are. You may not always be able to give your inner child what it wants in that moment, but just as we do with our children, we can learn to validate their needs and make sure that we create a life in which our inner child’s needs have some level of priority as well.

Here’s an example of an inner child dialog, that was initiated when the client found herself feeling very heavy and having back pain:

Parent: What are you needing from me today, Sweetie?

Child: I’m sad and I want to play with my friends, but I always have to work and take care of people.

Parent: I’m so sorry you’re sad. Working so much is really hard. We don’t have time to go play today, but I will make sure we have a couple of hours this weekend to go do something fun. You’re feelings matter to me, and I’m really glad you told me how you feel. Would asking [partner] for a hug help make this day easier?

Child: Yes, I like hugs. But I’m still sad.

Parent: I know, and it’s OK to be sad. Your feelings matter to me. Do you think a nice bath before bed would feel good?

Child: Yes, that’s good. Can I have bubbles and music?

Parent: Absolutely! I’m so proud of you for asking for what you need and I love you very much.

This exercise will allow you to begin a conversation that can allow you to experience a corrective emotional experience of being cared for and attended to, which can heal your heart in a very deep way. You can also learn how to create a balance between the needs of others and the needs of this tender part of yourself, which will allow you to live a more authentic, joyful life.